Phrases everybody should stop using.

There are hundreds of phrases in the world. Some are useful, others aren't, and a lot of them are overused to the point where we need to put our foot down and get the English language back on track other than just relying on a few phrases someone spouts in order to sound intelligent. These phrases have been abused, raped, and defiled so hard that they make sex workers look like virgins in comparison. Here's some phrases everybody should stop using, use their heads, and find a more creative and less shitty way to say it.

1. Using the word "literally" too much

If you were literally doing something, you were actually doing it; don't use the word "literally" unless you actually do it.

Example: "I literally pissed my pants."

Either you did or you didn't, or maybe you were about to, in which case this term should be used: "I was about to piss my pants." This word is one of the most abused words in the English language, probably superseding the words "friend" and "mature" on my list (I know because I wrote entire blogs about how they were so abused). Why did you need to add in an extra adverb? Just say "I pissed my pants" and get it over with.

2. Inserting like, in, like, everything you like, say

I had teachers who pretty much forbade this, and it was extremely difficult to wean myself off of saying it. I only wished that I got zapped every time I said the word so that I would be completely done with the word. But this is so abused it's not even funny. It's about as funny as the movie Schindler's List, in fact (for those who haven't seen Schindler's List, I suggest seeing it).

This is the reason we have so many shitty public speakers. From some 14 year old girl pouring out all of her problems on an Internet forum all the way up to the President of the United States of America, there are shitty public speakers everywhere. The President still can't speak without a teleprompter (which is the only reason he sounds articulate). In fact, it's probably encouraged that you should be a shitty public speaker, since politicians nowadays have speechwriters on their payroll and need teleprompters to sound good.

3. "Everything happens for a reason"

Of course everything happens for a reason; people who say this are probably too dumb to find out what it was. Instead of finding out what it was and how we can improve ourselves, we just sit back, use this almost meaningless phrase (because it explains itself) and move forward and will most likely fuck up again.

I found out the hard way: haven't we all thought, at one point, that our teachers could do no wrong and that they were the ultimate paragons of virtue and knowledge? I had to wake up one day to realize that all of that was gone, and that they were probably never coming back. The reason? I had Mrs. Murphy as my 7th grade teacher. Up to that point, the majority of my teachers were older women usually in their 50s or 60s. At the time, Mrs. Murphy was in her mid to late 20s, an age where we can hardly be described as the paragons of anything. We're still learning and still gaining experience, still fucking up, still dealing with the harsh consequences of fucking up.

After Mrs. Murphy, I could not relate in any way to the majority of the teachers I had until college. I had to accept facts, that the education system was going down the toilet. Which brings me to my next point:

4. "I was just like you when I was your age"

I had not only one, but two teachers feed me this line. Both were male and in their early 30s. If they were like me when they were my age, they would have been playing a lot of video games. Instead, they talked about having major spiritual crises and "finding God." I wasn't busy finding God; I was busy finding out how to beat all the games I had. So how can that be "anything like me?" If anything, I didn't have any major spiritual crisis because I was comfortable enough with my own relationship with God to not give a damn about what others had to say about it. They even said the church I went to was horrible and suggested that I change churches.

Long story short, both teachers were in no way like me. I got one fired, namely because I was sick of his bullshit and using his dead parents as an excuse to act like a complete crackhead and using me as a punching bag. The other is just a major douche who cares about nobody but himself. Speaking of finding God:

5. "I've found God"

Despite the major axe I have to grind with the Christian religion, I have no issue with it. It's generally a good message and people can learn important lessons from the Bible. But people always talk about how they found God as if it's the latest trend rather than having an actual relationship with God. In fact, let's see what God has to say about you finding him and using him as a tool to improve your status within the community rather than having an actual relationship with him:

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven." 

Matthew, chapter 7, verse 21. Many people are guilty of doing this. The worst are the televangelists, who claim to have found God and decide that in order for you to find God as well, you need to donate money to them. Since when was God for sale? Here's what God says about being on sale:

"Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves."

Matthew, chapter 21, verse 12. Not only did God disapprove of being on sale (or really, using the house of God as a place to sell things rather than being on sale himself), but he was also pissed off. That's a double kill for televangelists.

I wish everyone who says that they've "found God" just keep it to themselves. There are very few people who can say this and actually mean it. If you're one of those morons who uses religion as a way to fit in and be cool rather than establishing a genuine relationship with God, you won't get any sympathy from me. The same goes for Muslims, Buddhists, and any religion that believes in a God.

6. "That's just your opinion"

People say this as if I got them from someone else. Of course it's my opinion. The upsides to having my opinion is that it's well thought out and more articulate than all the opinions of the clowns who spout this stupid phrase constantly put together.

Obviously when someone says something, I know it's going to be their opinion; I'm not going to remind them that that's their opinion. They already fucking know.

7. "Just saying"

I know you just said it, you don't need to remind me. I'm not retarded.

I want to meet everybody that overuses this phrase and say "just saying" after every sentence. I wonder if they'll get the hint.

8. Using the word "obviously" before or after saying something

When it should be used: when stating the obvious, when stating facts.

"1 + 1 = 2, obviously."
"Obviously, PC gaming is better than console gaming."
"I am obviously male/female."

When it should not be used: when trying to be a pretentious idiot who thinks they know what they're talking about (people who took Seminar might have encountered this far too often).

"Obviously, I'm going to talk to you like I know something, despite only reading four pages of the text. I'm so unprepared, and may the rest of the class have mercy on my soul for being such a dumbass."

9. "No offense/I'm not (insert prejudice here), but..."

If you're obviously going to say something offensive or bigoted, can we stop using this qualifier and be honest with ourselves? For example, "I'm not racist, but I hate black people" sounds like someone who is unsure of their convictions, or basically, a little bitch who can't think for themselves. Either you hate black people or you don't; admit the racism (or any other prejudice you have) already.

That's just the abridged version of what I was planning to write; there are still plenty of phrases that piss me off so much that everybody should stop using them. I'm going to go play video games.