My views on online dating are infallible.

Finding a girlfriend or boyfriend on the Internet is pretty commonplace nowadays. There are several websites built around it, and some "studies" have shown that couples who meet online are happier and are married longer than those who don't. Guess what? They're wrong. Every single online dating profile ever is pretty much this:

Upon seeing this photo, 100% of people who do online dating now have 100% of their time spent online dating free to allocate elsewhere.

Making fun of online dating is more fun than online dating. If you're female and on an online dating website (OkCupid, for example), I guarantee that 99.99% of the people who contact you have one (or all) of the following: a fedora, talk about how nice of a guy they are, or are downright creepy and go straight to the point (i.e. "let's fuck lol ur boobies are nice" or "i'd drag my balls through broken glass just to hear you fart" kind of bullshit). For the 0.01% who actually manage to find the love of their life on an online dating site, you're luckier than most, but chances are you're going to be going through the garbage pile for days, weeks, months, even years.

It gets even worse for men. You can't be anything less than perfect or no one will ever contact you, and even a simple hello can be considered creepy as fuck (see included picture for reference). Sure, the Internet is a place where we can all be inconsiderate assholes towards one another without any fear of retaliation, but being creepy online is just as bad as being creepy in real life. In fact, if you're creepy in real life, you're arrested, sent to jail and probably have to be on some sex offender list; if you're creepy online, everyone screen caps it and sends it around everywhere to everyone they know, meaning you'll be known as creepy forever to billions of people around the world. Heck, it's worse than being creepy in real life, if you think about it.

I once wrote a guide to online dating, and I even distributed it for free on the Internet, because I'm such a nice guy. Here's the guide in its entirety:

"Jose's Guide to Online Dating:

Step 1: Don't

 Step 2: See Step 1"

Do yourselves (and everybody else) a favor and keep the "online" out of "online dating."