Five professional sports ideas that sucked.

Some people have informed me that the New Orleans Hornets of the NBA were going to get a name change to become the New Orleans Pelicans, which not only doesn't make sense, but a sports team is supposed to have a cool sounding name, and calling yourselves the Pelicans is probably the furthest thing away from cool. I hope Commissioner David Stern knows that this picture exists:

The only good idea to solve the problem, and it was posted on a meme site.

Now that we've solved that little problem, let's get to showcasing some professional sports ideas that sucked so hard that they made it onto this blog (not that it takes much to suck, but if they're really horrible, they'll make it onto this blog, trust me).

1. Every Portland Trail Blazers draft pick since the 1980s

The biggest mistake the Blazers have ever made was drafting Sam Bowie. They could have had just about everyone else in the draft. To be fair, they did lose the top draft pick, Hakeem Olajuwon, to a coin toss. But here's a list of people they could have picked:

God Tier: Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, John Stockton
Decent Tier: Sam Perkins, Otis Thorpe, Kevin Willis, Alvin Robertson

The Blazers often justified their selection of Bowie as a need-based selection, but Thorpe, Perkins and Willis could all play center (and Perkins played alongside Michael Jordan). Bowie has the distinction of being about as durable as a glass hammer, although his career stats were alright (but definitely not worthy a #2 overall pick). The Blazers eventually traded for Thorpe, but it was way too late, as the guys they traded away (Clyde Drexler and Tracy Murray) won a championship ring with the Houston Rockets in 1995.

The list of horrible Blazers draft picks goes on and on. The only good pick was Arvydas Sabonis in 1987, but he couldn't play for them until the 90s. Their only decent draft pick since then was Zach Randolph, who can't block despite playing power forward. Greg Oden and Brandon Roy were supposed to be good, but got hurt. Another good pick was LaMarcus Aldridge, who has found himself in my fantasy basketball teams every single season since his rookie year.

2. Naming your team Young Boys

This isn't a joke: there is a soccer (football) team named Young Boys in Switzerland. I wonder what kind of chants they come up with, since "We Love Young Boys" will probably get you arrested for pedophilia, and then end up going to prison and getting raped.

3. Mixing football and wrestling (XFL)

At the time, it didn't seem like such a bad idea. Football and wrestling together seemed like it would take manliness to heights it had never seen before. But the way it was executed was so horrendous that you might as well have mixed Diet Coke and Mentos in your own stomach. It lasted all of one season, so that might give you further insight into how shitty it really was.

4. Giving Kansas City a professional sports team

The record of every professional sports team that has ever been located in Kansas City is downright abysmal. Between the Kings (basketball), A's (baseball), Chiefs (football) and Royals (baseball), you have two championships (Chiefs, 1969 and Royals, 1985) and a few playoff appearances. I feel bad for their sports fans.

5. Naming rights

I went to Pacific Bell Park on Opening Day in 2000, and since then, it's undergone two name changes: first to SBC Park and now AT&T Park. The Miami Dolphins' Sun Life Stadium has undergone seven: first it was known as Joe Robbie Stadium (1987-96), then Pro Player Park (1996), Pro Player Stadium (1996–2005), Dolphins Stadium (2005–06), Dolphin Stadium (2006–09), Land Shark Stadium (2009–10) and now Sun Life Stadium (2010-present). Although I get the reason why companies buy naming rights to the stadium, did the name really need to be changed seven times in 25 years? That's an average of a name change every 3.5 years, which can get really confusing especially if you're an older fan and used to the older names.

I could think of more, but that's about it; feel free to give me more bad professional sports ideas in the comments.

Even more phrases everybody should stop using.

Part 3. As much as I am an advocate for free speech, there are still quite a few phrases that everybody should stop using, so here we go:

1. "The Bible said so"

You just can't take enough swipes at people who say this. The Bible is not meant to be taken literally, but there are a bunch of morons that unfortunately do everything that is written in the Bible to a T. A lot of people use the Bible to be an asshole, but it's not even the asshole you can laugh with because what they did was so funny—it's the asshole you want to kick in the face and stab to death with an icepick because they're so infuriating to deal with.

2. "I don't need to explain to you"

This is essentially shorthand for "I can't come up with a good reason why I did what I did, so fuck you." A good human being acknowledges his mistakes and owns up to it; a shitty one doesn't. People always complain about people condescending towards them, so why do they, in turn, also use condescending behavior towards others? People logic strikes again.

3. "I'll pray for you"

Notice that a lot of these quotes are religious in nature, and it's not because I'm crusading against religion in general—it's because these phrases are so overused that almost no one really understands the true meaning of what they're saying.

I actually do appreciate being prayed for, but when it's done with ill intent (and I do know when it's being used with ill intent), then you need to be called out on your bullshit. "I'll pray for you" should actually mean something. It should mean "I'll pray for you because I like you and wish you well," not "I'll pray for you because you're an inferior human being to me." Get better at life, dumbasses.

4. "Get a life"

Probably the only phrase that would make the next phrase obsolete...

5. "You only live once"

Carpe diem for stupid people. I admit, I like saying YOLO in an ironic way. This makes me think that people actually believed that you lived more than once before this phrase was invented.

6. "Go fly a kite"

This is more my mom's phrase than anything, so I heard it maybe 100,000 times more than you have during your childhood. Apparently she's too nice to tell people to go fuck themselves, and instead send me walls of text relating to the news articles I send her, some of which are longer than the news articles themselves.

I'm honestly out of ideas right now.

All good humor is R-rated, part 2.

The original is sitting on my old blog. I wrote this piece back in May because I needed to stress the fact that things are funnier when you don't have some shitty rating system holding you back; but in the months between that and this post, I was told that my sense of humor was "sarcastic" by my fans and "extremely destructive" by my critics. For those of you who have just joined us, the whole story was basically having a former friend tell me that I was not funny nor creative because I thought his preferred sense of humor was only for children and people who watch relics of the 90s (the Simpsons).

Comedy is an art I've always been interested in; it's also the only movie genre I watch with a serious interest. I mentioned that things are funnier when you don't have some arbitrary (and rather shitty) rating system holding you back. Comedy is supposed to "go there" (as in cross lines). It doesn't discriminate; everything is fair game. A good comedian crosses every single line when it comes to everybody to show that he's not against a certain race, gender, or what not—they're against it all.

The problem with comedy is that it's becoming stifled by political correctness and other people with no sense of humor. I find political correctness to be a form of fascism, and that people who promote it are no different from people like Hitler, Franco, Mussolini, Stalin, etc., because free speech was something people fought and died for and now people are trying to make a mockery of that by saying "You can't say (insert controversial humorous statement here), it's offensive!"

South Park, while still amongst my favorite shows on TV, has greatly toned down its offensiveness. Is it because people are no longer offended by it, or because Trey Parker and Matt Stone "went there" with 200 and 201 (which, by the way, are still not aired on their website, and where it is aired, it's not aired uncensored)? I honestly think it's the latter more than the former, because people get offended over the most stupid shit. I've been waiting over two years for the uncensored version, and I've all but given up hope. I hope they anger someone again, so that we can have another controversy.

In the end? All good humor is still R-rated. The problem is that "good humor" is always under assault by somebody, whether it be politically correct fascists or people who have no sense of humor. It's tough to say what is "good" humor and what is "shitty" humor, but we can't find out if we constantly have to censor ourselves.

November 16, 2012: the day my sensibilities were offended.

It takes quite a bit to offend me. Normally I'd laugh a lot of things off, but a friend of mine told me about a YouTube video that was, in her words, "awful, and just upsetting." Normally I'd take this to be something I can handle, but upon looking at said video, I told her that I would have nightmares for the next week or ten. If you want to view the video, you can view it here. (Apparently the folks at YouTube found it offensive enough to force me to sign in to my YouTube account.)

Upon first glance, you must be thinking to man the harpoons and thinking up a storm of all the jokes ever aimed at fat people; but think about it for a second. If they have gotten laid, ever, then I fear for the gene pool. This is another argument for legalized abortion. Considering we all have the responsibility of continuing the human race at some point in our lives, why would anyone want to choose these two people as something to bear your offspring? They already look like they're pregnant; why get them double pregnant?

About 1:50 into the film, the girl in the background whips out a purple dildo, which confirms my suspicions: that no sane man would ever have sex with them, so they had to resort to sex toys (I won't judge you if you have sex toys, but most normal people don't make that kind of thing public knowledge). I could go further into detail, but you can draw your own conclusions from this video. Just make sure you have barf bags nearby if you just recently ate.

More phrases everybody should stop using.

I was still so pissed off after playing video games that I had to take these phrases to the sword.

1. "I hate drama/fake people/liars"

Does anyone really hate these things? If anything, we've practically embraced them and treated them as if they were our best friends rather than a virus that needed to be eradicated. Drama is everywhere, fake people are everywhere, and liars are everywhere; no one honestly hates them enough to want to get rid of them, but instead, subtly tolerate them because their lives would be absolute shit if they didn't have drama, fake people, or liars in them.

I was on the bandwagon for quite some time, until I realized that the amount of drama, fake people, and liars were increasing rather than decreasing. It's not hating them if you still tolerate their presence, dumbasses.

2. "I'm pro-life/pro-choice"

I once mentioned that you can never take a stance on abortion without pissing anybody off. Regardless of your stance on abortion, it's time for these phrases to be aborted. I've seen the abuses of the pro-life crowd (many who claim to have found God) and the pro-choice crowd (for defending the actions of stupid people like Octomom). Both camps need to be punched in the face for even making it difficult to formulate a position on abortion to begin with that doesn't invoke the rage and wrath of the other camp.

3. "Above average"

The only thing "above average" about the people who abuse this term is their sense of self-worth, which more often than not happens to be below average.

4. "Facebook official"

Does something always have to be on Facebook to be "official"? It's getting out of hand. You're in a relationship with someone, better go tell Facebook! Whatever happened to just telling your friends how great your significant other is with your actions rather than banging on a few keys and saying "I'm in a relationship with someone now, I am more awesome than all of you single people."

Then people take it to absurd heights and decide to make joint Facebook accounts, which is probably the biggest and most blatant sign of there being insecurity in your relationship.

5. "I'm depressed"

Everybody gets depressed at one point or another, but some people think being depressed is like a badge of honor nowadays. It's a slap in the face to people who are actually diagnosed with depression, making this phrase completely worthless. There are people far worse off than you are: starving children in Africa, Snooki's kid, Honey Boo Boo, the list can go on and on.

6. "Sorry"

Apologizing has never been my strong suit, hence the reason why I use it very rarely (as in if I really fucked up and the person is someone I actually care about). The word "sorry" probably takes second place to "friend" as the most worthless word in the English language for the mere reason that you can't tell whether its a sincere sorry or "I'm just saying sorry to you because I don't want to look like a complete dick to the rest of society" sorry.

It's not something meant to be used at your convenience, which many people often use it as, so they can get away with being a complete tool elsewhere.

7. "(Insert politician I don't like here) is a(n) (insert extremist ideology here)"

The Facebook Politics War of 2012 was pretty much this repeated ad nauseam, which prompted me to seek intelligent life elsewhere (and on Earth, that's rather difficult to do, so I gave up).

If Obama were Hitler, he'd be gassing the Jews; if Romney hated gays as much as everyone claimed he did, he'd be rounding them up and executing them like they're about to do in Uganda. One thing many people have missed is that Romney and Obama are essentially the same person—they both cater to corporations and are out of touch with the common person (with Romney slightly more out of touch than Obama; Obama let gays serve openly in the military).

8. "I'll talk to you later"

How many times have you been given this line by somebody? It's extremely vague and unclear (for me, "later" is probably two months and counting with one person). Unlike most people, I actually do talk to them later; I'm not someone who just talks to people if I need something, making me a better person than most people. This is why people lose touch with each other, and if you actually give a damn about people, you'd actually take the time out of your day to talk to them.

BONUS ROUND: Phrases everybody should start using more often

To be completely fair, here are some phrases that are not used enough.

1. "Please" and "Thank you"

Probably the least used phrases in the English language. I should write a letter to the people who write the dictionary to put these phrases in larger text than the others so that people can start using them more often. My parents have practically seared it into my heads to say "please" and "thank you" because it's good manners, i.e. they should say "Please post another meaningful blog post," and "Thank you for opening my eyes up to how much stupidity there is in the world today."

2. "I'm wrong"

It's extremely hard to admit defeat in anything. Some members in my family have this issue. My mom will argue any point to the ends of the earth even if all the evidence is against her, and I'm pretty much the same. But the difference between us is that I can admit when I'm wrong.

3. "I respect you"

That's another problem with humanity. They only know how to love or hate, and most of the time, it's the latter, and most of the time, it's for the most illogical and crazy reasons, and sometimes even no reason at all. I've tried to fix things up with people I've had issues with in the past, and the whole reason it has had mixed results is because people don't like the direct, hard-hitting way that I tell the truth in. I feel that many people need to be told that way because the other way of doing it (the so-called "nice" way that teachers have attempted to teach their students) comes off to me as letting others play a part in your beliefs instead of developing them on your own (i.e. "What will so-and-so think if I told them this way?").

4. "I care about you"

Alright, people say they care, but they often care about the wrong things. We put ourselves first because that's natural. I've had debates lasting hours because of this. I often state that people are naturally selfish, and people have disagreed with me on it. But look around you—the Papa John's CEO refused to cough up 15 cents more per pizza because he didn't want to give his workers healthcare (you can agree or disagree with Obamacare if you want, but this is clearly a douche move).

Almost anyone who says that they are selfless is a liar. Caring about others is a lot easier said than done, but the problem with it is that almost nobody makes an effort to care about others.

That's about it, I guess. There should be better ways to express yourself, you know, through your actions rather than just through your words? I'm probably asking for too much.

Phrases everybody should stop using.

There are hundreds of phrases in the world. Some are useful, others aren't, and a lot of them are overused to the point where we need to put our foot down and get the English language back on track other than just relying on a few phrases someone spouts in order to sound intelligent. These phrases have been abused, raped, and defiled so hard that they make sex workers look like virgins in comparison. Here's some phrases everybody should stop using, use their heads, and find a more creative and less shitty way to say it.

1. Using the word "literally" too much

If you were literally doing something, you were actually doing it; don't use the word "literally" unless you actually do it.

Example: "I literally pissed my pants."

Either you did or you didn't, or maybe you were about to, in which case this term should be used: "I was about to piss my pants." This word is one of the most abused words in the English language, probably superseding the words "friend" and "mature" on my list (I know because I wrote entire blogs about how they were so abused). Why did you need to add in an extra adverb? Just say "I pissed my pants" and get it over with.

2. Inserting like, in, like, everything you like, say

I had teachers who pretty much forbade this, and it was extremely difficult to wean myself off of saying it. I only wished that I got zapped every time I said the word so that I would be completely done with the word. But this is so abused it's not even funny. It's about as funny as the movie Schindler's List, in fact (for those who haven't seen Schindler's List, I suggest seeing it).

This is the reason we have so many shitty public speakers. From some 14 year old girl pouring out all of her problems on an Internet forum all the way up to the President of the United States of America, there are shitty public speakers everywhere. The President still can't speak without a teleprompter (which is the only reason he sounds articulate). In fact, it's probably encouraged that you should be a shitty public speaker, since politicians nowadays have speechwriters on their payroll and need teleprompters to sound good.

3. "Everything happens for a reason"

Of course everything happens for a reason; people who say this are probably too dumb to find out what it was. Instead of finding out what it was and how we can improve ourselves, we just sit back, use this almost meaningless phrase (because it explains itself) and move forward and will most likely fuck up again.

I found out the hard way: haven't we all thought, at one point, that our teachers could do no wrong and that they were the ultimate paragons of virtue and knowledge? I had to wake up one day to realize that all of that was gone, and that they were probably never coming back. The reason? I had Mrs. Murphy as my 7th grade teacher. Up to that point, the majority of my teachers were older women usually in their 50s or 60s. At the time, Mrs. Murphy was in her mid to late 20s, an age where we can hardly be described as the paragons of anything. We're still learning and still gaining experience, still fucking up, still dealing with the harsh consequences of fucking up.

After Mrs. Murphy, I could not relate in any way to the majority of the teachers I had until college. I had to accept facts, that the education system was going down the toilet. Which brings me to my next point:

4. "I was just like you when I was your age"

I had not only one, but two teachers feed me this line. Both were male and in their early 30s. If they were like me when they were my age, they would have been playing a lot of video games. Instead, they talked about having major spiritual crises and "finding God." I wasn't busy finding God; I was busy finding out how to beat all the games I had. So how can that be "anything like me?" If anything, I didn't have any major spiritual crisis because I was comfortable enough with my own relationship with God to not give a damn about what others had to say about it. They even said the church I went to was horrible and suggested that I change churches.

Long story short, both teachers were in no way like me. I got one fired, namely because I was sick of his bullshit and using his dead parents as an excuse to act like a complete crackhead and using me as a punching bag. The other is just a major douche who cares about nobody but himself. Speaking of finding God:

5. "I've found God"

Despite the major axe I have to grind with the Christian religion, I have no issue with it. It's generally a good message and people can learn important lessons from the Bible. But people always talk about how they found God as if it's the latest trend rather than having an actual relationship with God. In fact, let's see what God has to say about you finding him and using him as a tool to improve your status within the community rather than having an actual relationship with him:

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven." 

Matthew, chapter 7, verse 21. Many people are guilty of doing this. The worst are the televangelists, who claim to have found God and decide that in order for you to find God as well, you need to donate money to them. Since when was God for sale? Here's what God says about being on sale:

"Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves."

Matthew, chapter 21, verse 12. Not only did God disapprove of being on sale (or really, using the house of God as a place to sell things rather than being on sale himself), but he was also pissed off. That's a double kill for televangelists.

I wish everyone who says that they've "found God" just keep it to themselves. There are very few people who can say this and actually mean it. If you're one of those morons who uses religion as a way to fit in and be cool rather than establishing a genuine relationship with God, you won't get any sympathy from me. The same goes for Muslims, Buddhists, and any religion that believes in a God.

6. "That's just your opinion"

People say this as if I got them from someone else. Of course it's my opinion. The upsides to having my opinion is that it's well thought out and more articulate than all the opinions of the clowns who spout this stupid phrase constantly put together.

Obviously when someone says something, I know it's going to be their opinion; I'm not going to remind them that that's their opinion. They already fucking know.

7. "Just saying"

I know you just said it, you don't need to remind me. I'm not retarded.

I want to meet everybody that overuses this phrase and say "just saying" after every sentence. I wonder if they'll get the hint.

8. Using the word "obviously" before or after saying something

When it should be used: when stating the obvious, when stating facts.

"1 + 1 = 2, obviously."
"Obviously, PC gaming is better than console gaming."
"I am obviously male/female."

When it should not be used: when trying to be a pretentious idiot who thinks they know what they're talking about (people who took Seminar might have encountered this far too often).

"Obviously, I'm going to talk to you like I know something, despite only reading four pages of the text. I'm so unprepared, and may the rest of the class have mercy on my soul for being such a dumbass."

9. "No offense/I'm not (insert prejudice here), but..."

If you're obviously going to say something offensive or bigoted, can we stop using this qualifier and be honest with ourselves? For example, "I'm not racist, but I hate black people" sounds like someone who is unsure of their convictions, or basically, a little bitch who can't think for themselves. Either you hate black people or you don't; admit the racism (or any other prejudice you have) already.

That's just the abridged version of what I was planning to write; there are still plenty of phrases that piss me off so much that everybody should stop using them. I'm going to go play video games.

The word friend is the Zimbabwe dollar of the English language.

One U.S. dollar was at one point worth 758,530,000,000 Zimbabwe dollars, making it the most worthless currency in the world. As of this writing, it is still amongst the most worthless currencies in the world. The word "friend" has become the Zimbabwe dollar of the English language. It happens to all of us. Good friends can turn on you at the drop of a hat, and your enemies can become your closest friends. But the word "friend" itself has been devalued so much that I now will refer to it as the Zimbabwe dollar of the English language. Here are some of the things to blame in the whole devaluation of the word.

1. Social networking

Everybody wanted to friend everybody even since the days of Friendster (the very first social network) all the way up to the current one, Facebook. I'm that way too. I like meeting new people and getting to know them, and reconnecting with older friends. As someone who posts often controversial and downright offensive content mostly for humor purposes, I've had success at making people laugh on a daily basis. Unfortunately, there are a significant amount of people with no sense of humor out there, but who wants to tiptoe around that, right?

Let's take into account the recent political wars on Facebook. In 2008, pretty much everyone was on board for Obama because people were really more against what George W. Bush did instead of what John McCain did (besides, McCain voted with Bush 90+ percent of the time). By 2012, Obama dropped the ball relative to what he promised (to be fair, almost every politician drops the ball relative to what they promised) and Romney rose to the challenge. He lost, but it was closer than I thought it would be; the popular vote was 50% to 48% (my prediction was that a third party candidate would grab 10% of the vote, but that was my idealistic side of myself showing).

The amount of anger and vitriol I saw on my news feed was pretty appalling. This guy probably takes the cake (thanks Clay for posting this link) though. People were defriending each other in massive numbers merely for the reason that someone was voting for Obama or Romney. If a political candidate can destroy your friendship, then what good was it in the first place anyway? (I have yet to defriend anyone, and I've been on Facebook for six years.)

2. Not keeping in touch

Everyone loses touch. We can all agree with that. But when you get back in touch, it should be like you've never even stopped being friends. There are people I haven't seen in almost a decade and I still talk to them as if we never even stopped being friends. On the other hand, you have people you haven't talked to in maybe a month or so and they start ignoring you and acting like they're way too good to respond to anything you say to them. This isn't a complaint; it's something that happens to everyone. I'm on Facebook every day and I talk to as many people as I can, and usually get back to people as quickly as possible. That's called manners, people, and that's sadly one of the lost arts of society right now.

3. "Friend" has a vague definition to begin with

The word "friend" has historically had a vague definition surrounding it. Generally, we think of friends as people we know and share common interests with, but what good is a friendship if you can't poke fun at people? Some of my good friends are people who are on the complete opposite end of the table from me ideologically. The important rule of friendships? Don't be a douche to one another. Easier said than done, but that's essentially it.

Then there's the "frenemy." The perfect example of this is Betty and Veronica from the Archie comic strips. They're pretty much best friends forever when it comes to everything, but when Archie is involved, all hell breaks loose. They don't even have common interests to begin with, or at least that's what the creators decided they should be like. Betty is pretty much some average white suburbia kid, while Veronica was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. It's only because her father made her go to public school that she was forced to actually be friends with people that weren't making the GDP of a sub-Saharan African country on an annual basis.

4. People change

As much as I hate to admit it, my mother is right here. People do change. There were people I absolutely thought would always be douches their entire lives that surprised me when we crossed paths later on in life. Then there were people I always thought would be good people but have turned out to be horrible human beings who only backstab you and use you for God knows what. I sometimes blame myself for expecting too little (or too much) out of others, but we can only speak for ourselves.

I'll admit I've changed in one way: that I give less of a fuck about what others think about me, but I haven't changed in the way that I always tell it as it is. I get a lot people telling me that you can tell the truth without being an asshole, but people are often offended by the truth and you'll still get called an asshole anyway no matter how nicely you put it. I have extremely low tolerance for ignorance, and I call it where I see it, and since we practically embrace being ignorant, that's seen as unpopular, and therefore, gets me hated.

5. Our education system teaches us to be good students, but not good people

When I was growing up, our education system was less shitty than it is right now. Teachers cared about you as a student and as a person, and did it genuinely without any hidden agenda behind their backs. Right around ninth grade, the quality of my teachers significantly deteriorated into a horrid mess. I pointed a finger at our educational system despite going to private school (private schools are outside the majority of public schools' rules). Around then, I realized that although teachers wanted you to succeed as a student, apathetic parents decided that teachers should also double as parents. That was the ultimate downfall of our education system: parents expecting teachers to also be parents because they were too shitty of a parent to teach their children values—including the value of friendship.

At school, teachers are also mediators who settle disputes. But in my experience, they did such a bang up job of it that any and all disputes continued despite trying to get them to act like adults, and to this day, many of the people that were involved in such disputes still aren't adults; instead of getting closer together and working out their issues, they instead choose to push others away as if the other person was less of a human being. I admit, I did a lot of that myself, but I realized that that was no way to act. Most of these people were homeschooled kids; I could talk about how being purely homeschooled makes you into a self-centered, aloof person, but that's not for here.

One of the reasons for this is because we sucked so hard at compromise, and no one would give an inch to each other. Call me condescending, but that was how it worked. Friendships and alliances were often uneasy and shaky instead of firm and standing on solid ground. Your best friend today could be your worst enemy tomorrow. You always had to, in the words of Theodore Roosevelt, "speak softly and carry a big stick." This is from a Catholic school perspective, where charity and love your neighbor are supposed to rule supreme (big hint: it doesn't).

In addition, the Bible had become a mockery rather than an example; "love your neighbor" to them now had a laundry list of conditional clauses in it that were never anywhere in the Bible to begin with. Confession had become a joke, as offenses were often repeated ad infinitum; Lent had become the ultimate one-up everyone else event instead of a lesson in self-control and discipline that should be practiced 365 days of the year. I was often told that I was "going to Hell" for pointing out hypocrisy, and I stand by my word 110% to this very day.

The purpose of school is to educate the whole person, which a lot of schools unfortunately fail to do nowadays. I have friends that are teachers now, and I hope for the sake of our children that our schools teach us how to be good people instead of just good students.

Those are probably just a few reasons, but I think we should stop using the word "friend" so liberally to refer to people. I do it myself.

Zero people are going to leave America because Obama won for the following reasons.

The number one dumbass quote of the entire election: 

"I AM GOING TO MOVE TO (insert country here not named America) IF (Barack Obama/Mitt Romney) IS ELECTED"

Number of people who said they will "leave America" if Barack Obama is re-elected: Way too many

Number of people who will actually leave America because Barack Obama was re-elected: Zero

This was probably the stupidest thing I've heard. It's a lot worse than probably all of these things put together. But let's be honest. I'm not a huge Obama fan. Far from it. I believe Obama is the lesser of two evils. He's not a perfect person. Wars will continue and the economy will take a long time to fix, and Obama isn't the guy for the job, but the least shitty person for the whole job. Mitt Romney, on the other hand, had a fighting chance, but lost by a razor-thin margin (50% to 48%). It's the 2004 election again, except John Kerry has an R next to his name.

Now here's basically several reasons you won't leave America because Obama was elected:

1. You're not moving because of Obamacare

Obamacare was probably the #1 focus of the entire election, with all those idiots who made rape jokes on television probably claiming a close second. Guess what? If you're so concerned about Obamacare, Canada, Europe, Australia and New Zealand (four destinations for some of those "I am moving" people) all have Super Saiyan 4 Obamacare. Think about it for a second.

2. You're too sheltered

This mostly applies to people my age or younger (mostly people too stupid to cast a vote, but this is a free country, after all). I grew up in white suburbia, but traveled enough to find out what the rest of the world was like, and to be honest, you probably don't want to leave America unless you've actually been to your preferred destination and lived among the people there.

You'd have to deal with many aspects of the real world if you leave America, such as culture shock, language barriers (if your preferred destination is where English is not the first language), and the metric system.

3. You're actually more free in America in a religious sense

Having lived in another country for two years of my life (the Philippines), I can actually say this with utmost confidence. I'm Filipino by blood (and a dual citizen of both the US and the Philippines), but I have in no way ever felt connected to the Filipino culture aside from being fluent in the language and eating the food. There's a lot of cultural values I strongly disagree with, and I'm sure the same thing is true with anyone else.

For example, people think that they are being persecuted by Obama and friends for being Christian; plenty of Filipinos think that the Christian religion is the shit, going as far as even crucifying themselves in Holy Week festivals (this is not a joke, Google it). They hear Mass in shopping malls. I go to the mall to eat, shop, watch movies and play arcade games, not to hear the word of God being expounded into my ear (that's why you have churches). I don't hate God or Christianity or any religion in particular, but the way people choose to hawk around their beliefs as if they're some annoying salesman doesn't quite appeal to me, and I've had a history of religious nutjobs trying to make me one of them. I could go more into depth, but that's for another time.

The one country that comes closest to America is probably Singapore, and I just returned from a trip there. Despite everyone being packed into apartments, that's the only other place in the world I would ever consider living in because it's multicultural and they enforce the law and practice their religions without being overbearing douchebags.

4. You can't afford it

The average plane ticket is probably $1,000 and still climbing because airlines care more about profit than making sure you have enough legroom to move around comfortably (which could easily be solved if seats were a mere 3" more apart) and charging you an arm and a leg for extra baggage. Could you really afford to relocate, get a job, and live in another country off of their wages? GDP per capita and GDP per purchasing power parity (Google those terms because I'm not going to bother explaining it here) are still pretty shitty compared to America in the majority of the world, and if you happen to want to leave America for a country with a higher GDP, you'll get hit with insane amounts of taxes (except if this country is an oil-rich state like Qatar, which has no personal income tax). Either way, you lose.

The city with the lowest cost of living in the world? Tehran, Iran. That probably made you think, "Oh, fuck." Still want to leave? Thought so.

5. You won't do it. Period.

A guide on how to actually leave America.

If you've gotten to the renouncing US citizenship part, you're probably better than 99.99% of everybody that said they would leave.

That's all I've gotta say about that. This will be my last political post for a while ("a while" is delineated as from now until someone fucks up again).

Chris Brown needs more songwriters.

Since people are always linking music on Facebook ranging from awesome (Biggie Smalls, Iron Maiden) to garbage (Justin Bieber, Chris Brown, Nickelback), I've decided to do a more in-depth analysis on the songwriting rather than just say that this music makes my ears bleed and it's awful and no one should ever listen to it ever. To be completely honest, even shitty songs are catchy because of their beat. But does anyone ever look past the artist and into the intricate parts of the song?

I've decided to look into a Chris Brown hit (pun semi-intended), "Don't Wake Me Up". Here's the video and the lyrics.

Writers: Alain Whyte, Allessandro Benassi, Brian Kennedy, Chris Brown, Jean-Baptiste, Marco Benassi, Michael McHenry, Nick Marsh, Priscilla Hamilton, Ryan Buendia, William Orbit

Did it honestly take 11 people to put together a 289 word song? That's an average of 26.27 words per writer, which is probably a slap in the face to all aspiring songwriters out there who spend hours upon hours trying to make a song.

Here's the word count of the four words that comprise the title:

Don't = 32

Wake = 25

Me = 26

Up = 60

The title itself is 49.5% of the entire fucking song. Numbers don't lie. It's not as bad as Nicki Minaj's "Stupid Hoe" but you get the point. The title of the song is usually reserved to the chorus or maybe peppered throughout the song, but to make it the entire song itself? No thank you.

By comparison (and it should really be unfair to compare this song to any non-shitty song), here's "Holy Wars...The Punishment's Due" by Megadeth. Here's the video and here's the lyrics.

Writer: Dave Mustaine

Producer: Dave Mustaine

Not only does it sound a trillion times better and had only 259 words, but it only needed one person to write the lyrics and to produce the song, both considerable tasks in themselves. How can one person succeed where 11 people failed?

Quality over quantity, Chris. You don't need more songwriters, you need more talent, something that you apparently don't have.

Stupid things people do when it comes to political views.

I expect a bloodbath on Election Day. Why? Ever since Obama's taken office, people have been hell bent on voting him out at the very first opportunity. On the other side, people have been hell bent on keeping him in office. In the 2010 congressional elections, the anti-Obama crowd succeeded somewhat; the Democrats lost control of the House and lost their grip on the Senate, so they at least succeeded on that front. But what difference does it make when Congress themselves can't get their approval rating out of the mid teens?

Here are some stupid things that people do when they express their political views. I'm guilty of doing them too; so it's not like I'm trying to be holier than thou.

1. Talk about it on Facebook

It's probably worse than not knowing where your candidate stands. I've got friends who support Barack Obama and friends who support Mitt Romney. Unfortunately, very few of them can articulate why they support their guy namely because they don't bother to read up on the issues and instead piggyback what was said on FOX News or MSNBC, leaving them with practically no opinions of their own. If you're so proud to have freedom of speech, then why are you basically being FOX or MSNBC's mouthpiece? Doesn't sound so free, does it?

Also, I've noticed people defriending others because of differing political views, another proof that the word "friend" is used way too loosely nowadays.

What I did instead: Do you know what I did on all the political posts on Facebook? Made jokes about it. Because laughing is less stressful and more entertaining than expending your energy to prove why Obama is such a socialist or how Romney is going to set America back 50 years.

2. Not being aware of the issues

Probably the same as the first, but with less devastating consequences: you only make yourself retarded, while if you talk about it on Facebook, you're basically advertising how retarded you are. The biggest thing that Obama promised but didn't really deliver on? Jobs. In all fairness, he did create jobs, but there's still a lot more work to be done and some people basically stopped looking. There will never be zero percent unemployment, but we sure can do a hell of a lot better than 7.9%.

What I did instead: Became aware of the issues by researching them, because only you can do that, not some idiot who happens to be on television.

3. One-issue voters

Probably the dumbest reason to vote for a candidate, ever. For anyone with a brain, you will notice that Obama and Romney can agree on some issues. I've had people tell me they would vote for Obama or Romney because of one issue. There's obviously a lot more than one issue they're running on, so why vote on just one?

What I did instead: Figured out which issues mattered to me the most and went with the guy who would address them (hint: it's not Obama or Romney).

4. Mixing in religion with politics

Voting for a candidate because they belong to a certain religious group is probably the second dumbest reason to vote for a candidate. Who gives a damn if Obama is a Christian or a Muslim, or if Romney's a Mormon? Will they honestly mix religion and politics when they take office and do everything in the Bible/Koran/whatever the hell Mormons read? This is a representative republic, not a theocracy, and there is separation of church and state for that very reason.

What I did instead: Didn't give a fuck what religion they belonged to. Does it matter if the candidate can do the job?

That's just four I can think of right now, I'm tired as fuck and I will probably update this (or maybe even make a new blog post entirely) after Election Day.

Mature is the most overused word in the English language.

(NOTE: The "words" swag and YOLO are not words in the English language, they're words in the "I'm a complete dumbass that wants to set human evolution 10,000 years back" language.)

For much of my life, people have been throwing around the word "mature" as if it were the most important thing in human existence. Sadly, mature is a word that has been raped to death by the majority of society, and instead of representing actual maturity, a lot of people are trying to attain this faux version of it which really just says "I'm only doing this to look cool to my friends, not because I actually want to grow up and be a good person." Since when did maturity become a race to look cool to your friends, rather than a journey towards self-actualization? Oh, right, that was just me having high expectations for humanity.

This kind of mentality usually follows this format: "I'm more mature than (insert name of person I don't like here), (s)he's (insert personality trait I don't like here), and therefore, (insert name of person I don't like here) is immature, and therefore none of you should be friends with (insert name of person I don't like here)." It's pretty much every reason to look mature in an ad lib format. For example: "I'm more mature than Justin Bieber. She's a shitty pop artist with zero talent, and therefore, Justin Bieber is immature, and therefore none of you should be friends with Justin Bieber."

The logic is hilariously broken here, seeing as gaining the approval of your friends is really not mature at all because you're living up to the standards of somebody else (as opposed to your own standards, which an actual mature person would follow). The last time I did something to gain the approval of my friends was probably when I was in 9th grade and wore Axe cologne. That was a signal for me to stop trying to impress everybody else.

Sadly, kids want to be mature nowadays, yet gain the approval of their friends at the same time. This is a recurring theme in adolescence. You're not mature if you want the approval of your friends; you're sheep. For those who choose to remain kids throughout adulthood (there's quite a few of them) by touting the word "mature" around to impress your friends: you're dumbasses. You can't call someone immature just to try to impress your friends. Wouldn't your real friends like you for who you are, rather than like you for trying to follow your own warped version of "maturity"? Thought so.

That being said, it's difficult to really become "mature". We should stop abusing this word and look for more meaningful ways to evaluate each other as people, and maybe learn some other words in the English language while we're at it.

The art of condescension.

The latest Presidential debate and the ensuing political firestorms on Facebook that happened as a result of people (both Democrat and Republican) screaming "MY GUY IS BETTER THAN YOUR GUY LOL" was really just something I did not want to deal with. That's all it really was. Although there were pockets of intelligent discussion, usually centering on how shitty of a moderator Jim Lehrer was, a lot of people started the equivalent of World War III wherever they could, acting like their whole family was recently murdered and taking it out on everyone possible, and in all honesty, it got nowhere fast. This then diluted the possibility of any intelligent discussion that would have taken place, and effectively dashed the chances of there being civility in any political discussion.

Then, I came up with an idea: that condescension was really just a form of art. Now why do I call it an "art" and not as something, as most psychologists say, that says that you're so insecure about yourself that you have to look down on everyone to make yourself feel better? It's simple: there are situations where condescension is completely uncalled for (looking down on crippled people, homosexuals, and women just because of who they are) and situations where it's completely justified (someone believing in young earth creationism when scientific evidence largely points to the contrary, people branding our soldiers as "murderers", thinking Obama is a Muslim, socialist, or a Muslim socialist, PETA opening their mouth, ever). The art of condescension is rather simple: you don't look down on someone for what they are; you look down on what they think. Just because you have a different opinion doesn't necessarily make it a good one. I could recall hundreds of times when this happened and I was criticized for calling people out on their bullshit, usually in the form of people telling me to watch what I say or the usual "well, that's just like, your opinion, man." Of course it's my opinion, was it somebody else that I'm magically pulling the strings on?

A lot of people think that condescension is this horrible, awful thing that should never be done. Everyone looks down on something. Heck, my parents look down on me for one reason or another, and I'm sure at one point, yours have too. It's what we look down on that makes it "acceptable" and "unacceptable". This is just my take on it. As for the politics, bring it on. I'm quite a reasonable person politically, and anyone who has met me knows that.

So to wrap things up: it's not so much who you are (unless you're a neo-Nazi/white supremacist), it's what you're saying. Learn the difference, accept it, and be happy.

Bracing myself for the inevitable "BUT YOU'RE WRONG BECAUSE FUCK YOU" backlash.

Proof that God exists: the good edition.

(UPDATES: Person Of The Week/Douche Of The Week will not be continuing, but I have something else in mind. Stay tuned.)

Caught you with my title, did I? This basically spawned off of something I was talking with a friend of mine on Facebook with. I casually said that something that happened to a person I know was proof that God exists and that there are miracles, albeit sarcastically. When I was in high school, I basically was being indoctrinated into some hardcore variant of the Catholic religion and got completely turned off by it. In all honesty, I did feel bad for these people; they were homeschooled (yes, a blog post about homeschooling is in the works), but that sympathy vanished a long time ago.

They used some weird roundabout logic to prove the existence of God (those who study religion know these arguments as apologetics), but really, these people should just apologize to me for wasting my time and really just making me a bitter, cynical, and angry human being (not so much bitter and angry as cynical, though). I don't hate Christianity. I don't hate God. In fact, I believe in God, and I think Christianity is a wonderful message if applied properly. But that argument is for another time and place.

Here are some simpler, more logical proofs that God exists and that there are miracles.

1. Carson Daly is still employed

Everyone knows Carson Daly as the former host of Total Request Live, which was pretty much the show of choice if you were/had one the following:

1. No taste in music
2. Only listened to X artist/band because all your friends listened to X artist/band
3. Between the ages of 12 and 17

TRL mercifully ended when I was in middle school in 2002, but Carson Daly just won't go away: there's even an entire blog dedicated to getting Carson Daly off of all forms of media possible. How Carson Daly managed to stay employed throughout the 2000s and into the 2010s, is proof that God exists and that there are miracles.

2. Snooki has a kid

I often console my friends with this simple quote: "If you think your life sucks, remember that someone has to go through life as Snooki's kid." I think that that simple fact will prevent people from committing suicide, because, hey, someone has to go through life as Snooki's kid, and there's a 99.9% chance that it isn't you (and if Snooki's kid eventually reads this blog, sorry, dude). I highly suggest all suicide prevention hotlines use this line when talking someone out of suicide. It will make your job a whole lot quicker and easier, because who would want to go through life as Snooki's kid, seriously?

Snooki is probably the most annoying invention of the late 2000s/early 2010s, and that's a big understatement (namely because doing it justice would stretch into the entire post, and this is a collection of proofs that God exists). A quote from Snooki herself: "There will always be a Jersey Shore. It will be in the dictionary."

Fun fact: show's now cancelled, and it's famous for all the wrong reasons. People destined to be relegated to being known as anomalies of the gene pool became paid more than doctors, teachers, and firefighters combined do in a single year, per episode. Proof that God exists and that there are miracles.

3. Skrillex is a successful artist

I've heard various things about Skrillex: that his music sounds like a fart on max reverberation and that he sounds like a dial-up modem being two main criticisms. I honestly think Skrillex's music was made by a monkey learning Garage Band by whacking on the keyboard a lot and bang, Skrillex. Proof that God exists and that there are miracles.

4. Obama has a Nobel Peace Prize

For those of you who are like "BUT JOSE OBAMA MADE THE WORLD A SAFER PLACE TO LIVE IN LOL", here's some people who have never won a Nobel Peace Prize: Mahatma Gandhi (12 time nominee), Pope John Paul II, and Eleanor Roosevelt. What are they known for? Oh, gaining independence for a country with over one billion without firing a single shot (Gandhi), doing more for interfaith relations than any previous Pope in history (John Paul II), and advancing women's rights during a time when women's rights was the punch line for a joke (Roosevelt).

Regardless of what side you may be on politically, we can all universally agree that these three did plenty to advocate for world peace, civil rights and equality for all. Actor Jon Lovitz, who votes Democrat, thinks that Obama didn't deserve it either.

Although Obama removed key threats to global security such as Osama bin Laden, he's still not worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize, but was given one anyway. Proof that God exists and that there are miracles.

5. Kristen Stewart is a successful actress

Kristen Stewart has got to be this huge joke the film industry is playing on everybody, seeing as she never changes facial expressions and pretty much ruins acting for people who are actually good at acting.

Granted, all her films are commercial successes due to sheep opening their wallets up wide for the latest Twilight release, but honestly, can anyone name a movie Kristen Stewart was in that wasn't Twilight? Here is a list of Kristen Stewart movies, and they all range from sucktastic (that shitty Flintstones movie where they go to Vegas, Catch that Kid, a blatant rip-off of Agent Cody Banks, which also sucked), to average (Panic Room, Into The Wild). I'm no movie expert, but Kristen Stewart being a successful actress has got to be proof that God exists and that there are miracles.

6. The Simpsons being on the air for 24 seasons (and counting)

If this show was hosted on a network not as big as FOX, it would probably be off the air in maybe 8, 9 years tops. But somehow, the show manages to keep hanging on despite the fact that it's:

1. No longer funny
2. No longer relevant (Probably worse than not being funny, but that's just me)
3. No longer realistic (I know it's supposed to be an animated cartoon, but seriously)

The Simpsons, a great artifact of 90s culture, should have stayed in the 90s, not be dragged across three different decades in an attempt to stay relevant. Proof that God exists and that there are miracles.

And last, but not least:

7. This woman getting married

Some of you know who she is, so I won't mention her by name. But my mother taught me how to stand up for myself because she lived through a dictatorship and martial law, where standing up for yourself meant going to prison or "disappearing". So I take my First Amendment rights to extreme proportions, and that can anger people, which can be enjoyable but at the same time cause a lot of unintended consequences.

A lot of people would love to get married, but seriously, slow the fuck down. In all honesty, I really feel bad for her husband, but he loves her, so that's the cross he must bear. Nothing wrong with getting married early, and you'd think that marriage would change someone, right? Keep in mind that this all happened after she got fatter than she already was (not that I don't mind curves on a woman, but she kind of looks like a female dwarf from World of Warcraft), and still maintained that awful, horrible personality.

Things she has said to me:

1. I wasn't gong to make any friends (I did, and made way more than I probably had expected to, and got a lot of the old ones back, while she told me she wanted nothing to do with me or anybody else, in a fit of selfishness)
2. I was spoiled and my parents gave me everything (Truth is, yes, but this is coming from probably the most sheltered human being in existence)
3. I was "possessed by the devil" (I've actually become the better person because of that whole ordeal, and didn't need to be "possessed by the devil" or "find God" to do so. I already found God, sorry that it isn't yours but mine's pretty cool)

Lots of other bullshit too, but let's remember that no one is perfect. It's one thing to have personality defects; it's another to not want to fix them.

Person Of The Week/Douche Of The Week: Week One Results

Sorry everyone had to wait until Saturday, but here's the Person of the Week and Douche of the Week results.

Person Of The Week: Neil Armstrong

Neil Armstrong was a pretty cool guy. He was the first person to step foot on the Moon. Despite his fame, he was a pretty nice guy and didn't really brag about all his accomplishments, which is something rare today.

RIP, Neil. You're in a better place now.

Douche Of The Week: Rep. Todd Akin, R-Missouri

Tried to defend rape because he skipped biology class in high school.

Also, a giant douche because even the GOP thinks he's a douche.

Congratulations to our winners (or, if you got named DOTW, "winner")!

POTW/DOTW Week Two is going to be underway real soon.

Person Of The Week/Douche Of The Week: Week One.

UPDATE: Vote Here

After careful consideration, here are the nominees for this week's Person Of The Week (POTW) and Douche Of The Week (DOTW).

Person Of The Week Nominees

Neil Armstrong

First man on the moon, died today at age 82. Got to the moon using only a computer with 64 kb of ROM. Also, outside of going to the moon and other scientific exploits, was a really laid back and humble person who didn't shove his achievements in your face.

Rick van Beek

Ran an entire marathon carrying his 13 year old daughter with cerebral palsy. +1 to faith in humanity.

Ecuador

Granted asylum to Julian Assange despite every industrialized nation wanting him dead and/or in prison because he runs WikiLeaks.

The person who taught us to eat Tic Tacs properly

Because we were all doing it wrong before:


Douche Of The Week Nominees

Norway

Sentenced a guy who killed 77 people to only 21 years in jail, but claimed they can extend it indefinitely "as long as he is deemed a threat to society". If the guy can kill 77 people and not feel sorry for it, won't he always be deemed a threat to society? Ammunition is far cheaper than maintaining his existence in a taxpayer-funded prison.

Snooki

Gave birth. Also wrote a book despite not being able to string a sentence together.

Rep. Todd Akin, R-Missouri

Brought douchebaggery to seemingly unprecedented levels by trying to say there was such a thing as "legitimate" rape (as opposed to illegitimate rape). Apologized for his actions but still won't step down from his ambition to hold public office.

The kid who sends me hate mail

Apparently I am the "poster child for post birth abortion", rape women and a pedophile.

Who would have thought, right?

UPDATE: Since Blogger's poll gadget doesn't want to cooperate, I'm going to be using SurveyMonkey to do all this stuff. Don't worry, your responses are completely anonymous.

Person Of The Week/Douche Of The Week: A FAQ.

I promised my readers that some new things were on the way, and I figured I'd get the community involved. Also, any blog can just give out an award for whatever; but I've decided that Person of the Week (POTW) and Douche of the Week (DOTW) are two awards that will be given out here. Why? There are people and there are douches (sadly, a lot more of the latter). We have to give recognition to both in fairness. How will we know who is awesome and who is a douche?

How do I get nominated for POTW/DOTW?

It's a surprise. POTW/DOTW will be usually based on current events (and sometimes, awesome/not so awesome people I know). A nomination for POTW means you've done something to make the world a better place.

A nomination for DOTW is self explanatory. It shouldn't be taken personally if you're offended by my nomination (if you win, however, that's not my fault, that's the community's).

How many weekly participants will there be in POTW/DOTW?

Four people. This is to give equal representation to persons and douches.

When is the voting open? How is the voting done?

Voting will commence every Sunday/Monday and winners will be announced on Friday (or Saturday depending on how productive I'm feeling). You're allowed one vote per category.

What happens in the case of a tie?

They both get the award. That doesn't mean you're half as awesome or half of a douche; you're not half of a person, right? In the case of three-way ties, a runoff vote will run concurrently with the following week's voting.

What do I get for winning?

Self-satisfaction (or if you win DOTW, everyone will know you're a douche).

"BUT JOSE I'M NOT A DOUCHE WHY DID YOU NOMINATE ME FOR THE DOUCHE OF THE WEEK AWARD!"

There are many things I can fix, but I can't fix butthurt. You're really at the mercy of the community; namely because I'm not voting.

Go to my next post to find out who the nominees are.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to AWP Nation.

Alright, so you people noticed that I haven't been blogging. What's the deal, right?

Here's the deal:

1. I ran out of ideas (alright, not really, but they've been hard to come across)
2. I have a job (shocking)
3. I've been gaming (not so shocking)

You remember how eager you were as a kid to evolve your Pokemon (or in the case of smarter people, not do it because you could learn new abilities faster)? Well, think of AWP Nation as the evolution of my old blog, Jose Alvarez Uncut, which you can still peruse here.

The following are going to be holdovers from JAU (I've even put tags to remind myself what to tag them as)

Semi-objective analysis

I've always enjoyed these for some reason, it gave me license to praise (or, in most cases, attack) something or someone. Basically an overview of what I think of something or someone.

Tags: semi-objective analysis

A modest proposal

How I would fix/destroy things. Mostly fix, in some cases, destroy.

Tags: a modest proposal

Website reviews

I promised these would continue. They will be back soon. It's not that I don't have a lack of websites to review; it's just that I want to take a more objective and honest look at how I review websites.

Tags: website reviews

Game/console reviews

Another thing that will carry over. I love games and consoles; it wouldn't be me if there wasn't anything about games or consoles, right?

Tags: game reviews, console reviews

Hate mail analysis

I had a three part hate mail series on JAU near the beginning of the blog's lifespan. Basically it started with some dumbass thinking he was the shit and linked his Internet friends to this blog (mostly because of the lack of real life friends, and anyone can make friends on the Internet). As a result, JAU became popular (thanks guys). I had a fourth part prepared, and had people vote on whether or not I'd continue to analyze my hate mail. People voted "no" to the hate mail analysis, so I caved in and decided not to release part four.

Well, fuck it.

They're back.

Tags: hate mail analysis

Things that will be NEW to AWP Nation

Interviews

I want to get to know people better, so I'm going to interview people. Think of this as your moment of fame. I believe that all of us are attention whores at some point in our lives, and even if you're no longer one, you're only lying to yourself. I'll interview randoms and, if possible, famous people.

Tags: interviews

Person Of The Week/Douche Of The Week

I've decided to start giving awards out for a change instead of trying to seek them. The "Person Of The Week" (POTW) and "Douche Of The Week" (DOTW) nominees will be announced every Monday (along with the reason why they were nominated) and the POTW/DOTW will be selected on Friday. I will be running polls on the blog each week; basically the highest number of votes wins (or "wins").

Tags: person of the week, douche of the week

Blogroll

I often found it unfair to just promote my own blog like I'm some self-important asshole, so I'm going to start including your blogs as well. If you write a blog, you might get on the blogroll; just make sure it's good and doesn't suck ass.

So basically that's it for my intro post. Stay tuned for more information and happy reading.